Card shops are thoughtful places. With neat rows of enveloped well-wishes for the best of times and the worst of times, they bring out our reflective sides. People tend to talk in library-hushed tones, respecting those silently deliberating over which card best captures what they want to say.
As a writer and sentimentalist, I can spend more time in a card shop than most. Like an art gallery in miniature, I enjoy browsing. But if there are ones that catch my eye because of the artwork or the message, I add it to my collection of ‘there when I need them’ cards, ready to be written and posted when the moment strikes. They slip neatly into an old, rectangular biscuit tin which now is packed full - fruitful pickings from hours spent pottering in card shops.
The ones I’m drawn to, and inclined to stockpile, are the ones that say something I don’t always know how to put into words. The ones that capture the in-betweens: say something meaningful or encouraging for times when people need a bit of a boost, something appropriately celebratory when they’ve had a small but significant victory at work. Or something fitting for someone who has changed houseshares, is about to set off travelling or been brave enough to relocate.
These are the cards I like to send. To my mum who’s a teacher at the beginning of her Easter holidays, my sister on odd weekdays when she’s having a rough time with her health, my friend who quit her job to fulfil her dream to travel.
I scout out shops I can count on for these sort of cards but there’s one shop at the end of my street that I go to when I’m in immediate need. I’d never really noticed before that their wall of cards, arranged carefully by occasion, reflects a rather traditional order of things. 18th and 21st birthday cards overlap with engagement cards, marriage cards, new home, new baby, Christening. So it goes on until we reach retirement and well, sympathy. Life in summary, neatly stacked on a card stand - but it feels too simple to me.
These occasions are all milestones I wholeheartedly want to celebrate or commemorate with my friends but there are a lot of life moments missing - the ones that require the cards I’ve been stockpiling in my tin. Cards that offer support and encouragement for when things have gone wrong and to celebrate milestones, whatever shape they come in.
Research confirms what I already sense among my peers - that 77% of millennials (25-39 year-olds) and 83% of Gen Z (16-24 year-olds) are currently feeling pressure to reach life milestones. "I see a lot of clients in their 20s and 30s who're feeling under immense pressure to reach milestones like getting married, having children and buying a house with their partner by a certain age,” says Relate Counsellor Natasha Silverman. “The early 30s seem to be a real crunch point and people can judge themselves unfairly when they haven't done things they think they 'should have'."
We’re doing things differently now and the things we celebrate needs updating. In the 1960s, 76% of people married by 25 according to the Office for National Statistics. Now, that’s just 14%. While 97% of GenZ worldwide want to own a home, only 40% see it as achievable. If we were better at marking milestone moments, the ones that sit in-between or instead of these more traditional milestones, maybe that pressure would subside.
A few years ago, moving into a new houseshare myself, I savoured the ‘new home’ cards people sent me. At a time when friends were buying first homes or planning weddings, for my small but significant relocation to be celebrated felt important. A different kind of milestone but a milestone all the same. A new space, a fresh start, a different neighbourhood to explore - all things to be shared and celebrated.
I think about all the other things my friends have achieved in their twenties and thirties. There are second degrees, marathons, work qualifications, promotions, travelling, quitting jobs that were making them miserable, ending relationships that were making them miserable, retraining, becoming godparents, pursuing side hustles, passions and hobbies. And then there are the ‘character building’ times that feel tough - difficult times at work, dealing with heartbreak, illnesses and the death of loved ones.
All of these moments, the in-betweens, arguably equally life-changing. Admirable achievements or testing times that deserve recognition.
It’s not all about sending post, of course. Stamps are expensive and we can support and encourage in lots of other ways. But, if you like to send cards too, here’s what I’d be stocking in my card shop, stacked on the shelves in-between the more traditional milestones.
Cards for in-between times
“With my illustrated world I aim to open up a little door of tenderness and peacefulness, which in turn helps me (and hopefully others) to notice and enjoy the beauty of small things,” says Gemma Koomen. “My work is a constant opportunity to embrace imperfection and seek simplicity.”
Landscape architect and illustrator Nicky Dyson of Nicola Clarke Studio captures the joyful everyday in her artwork. Her cards feature pets, flowers, gardens and and scenes of simple pleasures.
Cambridge imprint’s ‘no particular occasion’ Carnival of the elephants card
People I’ve Loved ‘Everyday & Encouragement’ section features cards with sentiments that feel important but you don’t often see.
I like these ‘Poetry instead of a card’ booklets, including ‘Poems about London’, ‘Poems about Mothers’, ‘Poems about Art’ and lots more.
Do you love sending cards? Leave a comment by clicking the button below and tell me about the last card you sent
Love this Alice! I completely agree -- and love buying cards for the in-between milestones, as you say. When I launched some cards that said “I love your enthusiasm”, I was a bit worried that they weren’t for any particular milestone and therefore didn’t make sense -- but it’s exactly this kind of circumstance I hoped they’d work in. ❤️
This is beautiful! I have never given much thought to the in-between milestones, but I now understand how important they are. Thank you for writing this post 🤍